It is not uncommon that when we begin to grow in relationship with Christ and each other, we want to share that faith with the ones we love the most. Over the past couple of years, I'm asked one question very consistently, both through women's ministry and in my role as a counselor:
How can I help my husband grow in his relationship with God and step up as the spiritual leader?
I think this question comes from that natural desire to experience more of God in our lives and see his power working in and through our families. Today I came across Curtis Jones (Beth Moore's son-in-law), answering this very question:
This is difficult to answer since each question was asked by a specific woman with a specific husband who has a specific personality and history. How you encourage your husband will depend a lot on your relationship history. I told Amanda last night that if for some reason I spiritually relaxed to the point of deadness that she should confront me quickly and harshly. Loudly. With weapons. Why? Because that’s who I am. That’s who I told her I was when we met and were married. If you have seen your husband have a passion for Christ, but is now colder than a penguin with a popsicle, confront him. Don’t worry about offending him. He needs to be offended.
However, if your husband has never shown the kind of faith you are praying for, be gentle. First Peter 3:1-3 says “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.” Peter was specifically writing to women with unbelieving husbands, but I think the principle applies to this situation. You will never win him over with an argument, and deep faith is not the result of well-reasoned rhetoric. Continue to pray, be respectful, and be faithful.
With those things said, here are a couple of things to remember:
1) Show him that being a Christian is something you “do,” not just something “you are.” In our current church culture it is very easy to believe the main point of Christianity is to (a) be in church, and (c) behave. Help him see there is action to be a part of. Find a mission trip where he can build stuff. Is there a widow in your church who needs a handy man for a few projects? A fatherless boy in the youth ministry who could use a fishing trip? Men aren’t drawn to deep faith because they feel like being “men” is something you have to do outside of church and not inside. Show him differently.
2) Make sure that your vision of a spiritual leader is not too narrow. He may never look like your pastor or Bible study leader. He’s probably not wired the same way. Don’t confuse helping him be everything God wants him to be with helping him be everything you want him to be. Be encouraged. God is at work in your husband. It may just progress a little slower than you would like.
I love this answer!! To hear more from Curtis Jones or Beth Moore, check out their blog, Living Proof Ministries!
Got a burning question? Ask! Email nicoleunice@gmail.com and I will do my best to post an answer or a resource that can point you in the right direction. Honest questions and real searching is what brings us closer to the true identity of God. Let's encourage one another as we continue to seek Him in our daily lives....
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